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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27087640">Difficult Nights</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullmetal_64/pseuds/fullmetal_64'>fullmetal_64</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anxiety, F/M, Horror, Monsters, Mystery, Panic Attacks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-09 02:47:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,993</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27087640</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullmetal_64/pseuds/fullmetal_64</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>On nights like this, Marianne can swear she feels her blood coursing through her body in a most unpleasant way. The blood running through her veins feels almost foreign.</p>
<p>
  <em>The Crest of the Beast.</em>
</p>
<p>It was no secret that she felt her Crest to be a burden, as she bore the blood of the lost Elite: Maurice, who was cursed to wander the land as a beast. After much difficulty, she had since begun to accept the warmth of humanity from both herself and from others with the help of her friends.</p>
<p>Some nights are still difficult.</p>
<p>On nights like this, her fears, her anxieties, and her nightmares all come back to haunt her.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>As she makes her way from the cathedral to the dormitory all alone in the dark of night, she feels her anxieties stemming from the nature of her Crest returning. Is she truly a monster or is it just another difficult night?</p>
<p>A one-shot character study of Marianne, with some Dimimari snuck in.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd &amp; Marianne von Edmund, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Marianne von Edmund</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Difficult Nights</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The end of the Harpstring Moon signals the dying of spring, bringing rain and fog as the Garland Moon begins. As Fódlan welcomes its first rainfall, so too does Garreg Mach welcome the fog.</p>
<p>Rain clouds obscure the crescent moon and its light, leaving the monastery awash in the darkness of the deep night sky. In the absence of the moonlight’s glow, the cathedral’s battle-scarred exterior emerges out of the fog. Its half-ruined facade towers ominously over the fortress-like complex.</p>
<p>Inside the cathedral, the flickering flames of the braziers paint its interiors in a ghostly orange. Standing before the altar is a lone woman lost in prayer, bathed in the ethereal candlelight. The woman, Marianne von Edmund, is beautiful, with her blue hair done up in a braid, and a plain white nightgown draped against her shapely figure.</p>
<p>Had there been any onlookers, she might as well have been a Saint.</p>
<p>She continues to pray, even as the flames struggle against the cool mountain breeze. The glowing embers cling desperately to the last whispers of warmth.</p>
<p>
  <em>Whoosh.                                                      </em>
</p>
<p>In an instant, the lights in the cathedral are extinguished. Marianne has her cue to finish her nightly prayer and make her way back to the dormitory.</p>
<p><em>Goddess, keep my friends safe on the march to Fhirdiad, </em>Marianne prays. Her last prayers are always reserved for her friends.</p>
<p>With only the dim light of the stars peeking through the ruined ceiling and the small lamp that Marianne brought to guide her, she begins to make her way out.</p>
<p>The sound of gentle footsteps fills the silent hall. Marianne is wary of the shadows around her. In the corner of her eyes, she can see the shadows created by the meager light of her lamp dancing like formless figures in the distance. A creeping fear makes its way up to her throat.</p>
<p>
  <em>Do not let the shadows touch you.                 </em>
</p>
<p>Marianne takes small steps forward. She is careful not to let her footsteps stray too far from the circle of light created by the flame in her lamp. There is a little comfort to be found in the monotone sound of her pacing. At least she knows she is alone.</p>
<p>After a while, she sees the cathedral’s massive gates. The sheer size of the colossal entrance beckons one to think of what manner of creatures might fit through its maw. A demonic beast would easily fit through.</p>
<p>One might even muse that a dragon could make a den of the cathedral. Not a wyvern. A dragon. But there were no dragons. At least, not like the Immaculate One. The only creatures that resembled dragons which still roamed the land were hideously deformed.</p>
<p>Demonic beasts like the hideous, scaly monster that Miklan had transformed into on a mission they embarked on when they were still students.</p>
<p>Marianne sees a disturbing image in her mind: a demonic beast thrashing against the grilles of the cathedral gates, begging to be freed from its den.</p>
<p>The thought sends a shiver down her spine. Though she knows she is alone, she cannot help but feel that the beast is lingering over her, unhinged jaws ready to snap her up.</p>
<p>From a pillar behind her, Marianne hears scurrying. <em>It can’t be.</em> She turns around, stretching out her right arm to shine her lamp on the source of the sound.</p>
<p>Nothing.</p>
<p>There is no monster behind her. She sees a few rats running away from the light of the lamp, but nothing else. Marianne breathes a sigh of relief, closing her eyes momentarily to recollect herself. When she opens her eyes, she sees what appear to be scales on the back of her outstretched hand.</p>
<p><em>No.</em> She feels a bead of sweat roll down her face despite the cold. <em>That can’t be right. Just a trick of the light... Right?</em></p>
<p>Marianne passes the lamp to her other hand to illuminate her right hand. The light hits her hand, revealing human skin. No scales. <em>Not yet.</em></p>
<p>The light in Marianne’s lamp flickers, reminding her that she has limited time to get back to her quarters. She turns around and quickens her pace to exit the darkened cathedral. There is hardly any relief when she gets out, however, as it is no brighter outside with the moon hidden behind rain clouds.</p>
<p>A light drizzle begins to pour. Between the drizzle obscuring figures and the fog closing in on her, she is barely able to see more than an arm’s length in front of her. Her lamp does little to shine the way.</p>
<p>On nights like this, Marianne can swear she feels her blood coursing through her body in a most unpleasant way. The blood running through her veins feels almost <em>foreign</em>.</p>
<p>
  <em>The Crest of the Beast.</em>
</p>
<p>It was no secret that she felt her Crest to be a burden, as she bore the blood of the lost Elite: Maurice, who was cursed to wander the land as a beast. After much difficulty, she had since begun to accept the warmth of humanity from both herself and from others with the help of her friends.</p>
<p>Some nights are still difficult.</p>
<p>On nights like this, her fears, her anxieties, and her nightmares all come back to haunt her. The fear that she would bring nothing but misfortune to those around her. The anxiety that she was less, or somehow not as human as her friends. The nightmares of her turning into a Wandering Beast.</p>
<p>She feels them all coming back.</p>
<p>Marianne shudders. She feels sick to her stomach, nauseated.</p>
<p>Her footsteps fall in shorter intervals, going faster. She feels her pulse race and her breath catch. An invisible force is chasing her, and she can feel it gaining on her. Her legs carry her through the bridge connecting the cathedral to the monastery grounds. In the shadows behind her, she sees the flick of a tail.</p>
<p>
  <em>There’s nothing there.</em>
</p>
<p>As she approaches the main hall of the monastery, she can make out a hunched figure retreat into the distance, melting into the fog. The next moment, she feels stalking eyes track her, circling around her.</p>
<p>The voices are back and are ringing in her head. Marianne stops.</p>
<p>“Your parents went missing because your father was a beast.”</p>
<p>Marianne starts to walk, trying to ignore the voices.</p>
<p>“You will soon turn into a beast like your father.”</p>
<p>She continues to walk, speeding up her pace.</p>
<p>“Your Crest is proof of your fate.”</p>
<p>Her pace quickens to a jog.</p>
<p>“Your blood is cursed.”</p>
<p>Marianne runs.</p>
<p><em>No, no, no!</em> <em>None of it is true!</em></p>
<p>“You can’t run away from it, Marianne,” the voice snarls back at her</p>
<p>Marianne breaks out into a sprint, relying on her instinct to bring her to the safety of the dormitory. The lamp swings from side to side, dizzying her. Nausea catches up to her, as tears begin to well up in her eyes.</p>
<p>With her limited sight, the shadows begin to dance and taunt her. In the corner of her eyes, she begins to see images of a beast in her surroundings.</p>
<p>The light plays tricks on Marianne, turning the brick and mortar of the main hall’s walls into grotesque scales and carapaces. As she escapes out of the hall of scales onto the courtyard adjoining the Academy and the training grounds, she sees the trees in the courtyard change into horns and talons. Only a little more, and she would be at the dormitory halls.</p>
<p>“You’re not human, Marianne... Just fall into the darkness and join us.”</p>
<p><em>No... I’m no beast. I’m not misfortune, I’m Marianne,</em> she chants in her mind.</p>
<p>In her desperation, she shuts her eyes to distract herself from the voices and the monstrous mirages dancing across her impaired vision.</p>
<p>Instead, she sees a Beast, alone in a forest she recognizes is in Edmund territory.</p>
<p>The Beast growls at her. She can hear the voice of a man beneath the low growl. “We shall meet soon, girl of my Crest.”</p>
<p>The fear-struck bishop snaps out of her daze. She opens her eyes to see the crescent moon glowing like a monstrous eye staring her down. In the distance, she sees a hulking figure hunched over like a boar, gaiting toward her. Fright causes her to stumble. Marianne drops her lamp.</p>
<p>Glass shatters, and light goes out. Darkness closes in on Marianne, as she sits herself up and curls into a ball, readying herself for the beasts in her mind to pounce on her. The moment they bear down on her, she knew her blood would turn her into one of them. It was only a matter of time.</p>
<p>Dread fills her completely, as the full weight of her inner demons bear down on her.</p>
<p>“Stay away!”, she shrieks, as tears begin to stream from her eyes. She breaks into a sob, breathing ragged, clutching at her face as if to hide something hideous.</p>
<p>A familiar, gentle voice calls out to her.</p>
<p>“Marianne?”</p>
<p>She recognizes the voice to be Dimitri’s, who had just finished a war meeting. She is filled with shame as she turns her face away from the direction the voice is coming from. For the man she loves so dearly to see her in such a state. Monstrous, unhuman. A beast. Marianne could not bear it.</p>
<p>“I... I’m a monster, Dimitri. You will only meet misfortune around me. If you want to live, please... stay away!”</p>
<p>The blond prince kneels down to talk to her. She feels gloved hands take her hands away from her face, and she catches a glimpse of a gentle gaze.</p>
<p>“I had thought we had both promised to carry on with each other,” Dimitri whispers.</p>
<p>
  <em>How? How could he stomach the sight of a monster?</em>
</p>
<p>“How can you talk to me with such kindness? When I’ve turned into an unsightly beast? When my Crest has afflicted me with such a curse?”</p>
<p>Dimitri lets go of Marianne’s hands to remove his gloves.</p>
<p>She feels rough, calloused hands cup her face, directing her to look at him. Marianne sees a tender expression on Dimitri’s remaining eye. Her hands reach for his scarred hands instinctively, feeling the warmth of his skin.</p>
<p>“There is no monster here, Marianne. If there was a monster, then I’m afraid that would be me. You are beautiful as always. Human,” his voice is sincere.</p>
<p>“You don’t understand...”</p>
<p>“It is true. I know not what demons you face, but the dark will not harm you. Your fear and your regrets will. I should know... as I have my own ghosts to contend with. Have heart, Marianne. I believe in your humanity. I would not have made my promise to you were it not so.”</p>
<p>Marianne slowly comes to the realization that she had not turned into a beast. There were no scales, no talons, nor were there fangs anywhere on her body. She was indeed human. A weight is taken off her chest.</p>
<p>“Will you have me, even as I am now? Knowing of my fears and anxieties?” Marianne asks.</p>
<p>“I will, just as you would have me, even knowing how bloodstained I am. I promised you that we must carry on. Together.” Dimitri responds, his voice resolute. “Now take my hand. I shall bring you to your quarters. The march to Fhirdiad is arduous. You have need of a good night’s rest.”</p>
<p>Without a word, Marianne takes Dimitri’s hand. She leans into Dimitri, and they make their way to her room. The walk is peaceful despite the dark. Perhaps he was right: perhaps the dark would not harm her.</p>
<p>She does not know how long her anxieties will continue to plague her, but for the moment, she was fine. There would be more difficult nights, but for the moment, she was assured in her humanity. That alone is enough.</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe there is peace to be found in the silence of the night.</em>
</p>
<p>That night, Marianne sleeps without a lit candle by her bedside.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi! Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed the one-shot! I wrote this a few weeks ago to apply for the FE3H Gothic Horror Zine (check it out if you haven't!! @GothicFE3H on Twitter), and intended to post this immediately after submitting the application, but I forgot to because I got busy. Anyway, here it is now! If you're interested to read more of my thoughts while writing this fic, here they are:</p>
<p>I figured that Marianne and her backstory made a perfect match for a gothic horror-inspired one-shot, and the nature of her Crest and whether or not she could really turn into a Wandering Beast like Maurice intrigued me, so I wrote this up. If the chronology of this fic confuses you, this takes place after Dimitri comes to and before the march to Fhirdiad, but before Byleth and Marianne embark on her paralogue. I wanted to explore Marianne's panicked state of mind and how I think she might feel about her Crest and the mythos of Maurice's descendants turning into monsters, particularly on difficult nights. I also originally intended on Marianne overcoming her struggle all alone, but as I continued to ponder her character arc and development, it began to feel disingenuous to me as she learned to accept her humanity by accepting the love and friendship offered to her by her classmates, professor and love interest(s). By then, it only made sense for me to write in a close friend or lover to help her affirm her own humanity. It was either Hilda or Dimitri, but given Dimitri's own struggles with being a "rat," as he so lovingly calls himself in Reunion at Dawn, well. I had a clear winner in my head.</p>
<p>This was also a writing exercise for me in painting a moody and atmospheric setting fit for horror. I also wanted to try writing some dynamic scenes with a lot of movement. Generally, I wanted the fic to feel really moody and dark, and I wanted the horror elements of the fic to shine through given what this was written for, so I hope this fic conveyed that well and made you feel what I was gunning for. I did write the resolution to be significantly warmer to contrast the colder feel of the rest of the fic, though. I hope it wasn't too jarring a change in tone, and that it was satisfying to read. As usual, any comments are welcome and much appreciated! Would love to hear what you all think! Thanks again for reading! :DD</p></blockquote></div></div>
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